This is the current status of the rewrite thus far. Ignoring the red lines (due to the difference in Australian and American spelling), this is part of the rewritten portion. It is considered informal (sometimes sloppy) to use the ampersand (&) symbol (excluding company names) and contractions in formal writing, so I altered that. Ignoring the differences in Australian and American English spelling, I found 1 spelling error. I also adjusted a few punctuation marks (mostly comma) to make the sentences flow better, though as per request I left the message of your sentences the same. I hope that this looks good thus far, and hope that this is an acceptable rewrite.