Genel Açıklama Panosu

  • RhapsodeMonolith
    Yarışma Sahibi
    • 1 ay önce

    Good. I like this.
    I would like just a little changes.
    Let's name "part" to each text separated by the "***"

    Part-1: ok
    Part-2: ok

    (see the other comments)

    • 1 ay önce
  • RhapsodeMonolith
    Yarışma Sahibi
    • 1 ay önce

    Part-6: this is ok too, but make that the protagonit ends a little more lunatic, like:
    - he is seeing (sometimes) the "two worlds": his home and he in the middle of the war ("I'm see SS agents armed coming out from a shop")
    - and/or also, he does something crazy. An exagerated example: he killed someone famous/politic or a relative of one (that really happend in our history), because he thought it's Hitler or Hitler's relative.

    • 1 ay önce
  • RhapsodeMonolith
    Yarışma Sahibi
    • 1 ay önce

    Part-5: it's ok, but if you change from "poison" to "experiment", it's sound a little more sharp. I'm not talking to just the exchange the words. Put it however you think it'll be better. You could also extend a little this.

    • 1 ay önce
  • RhapsodeMonolith
    Yarışma Sahibi
    • 1 ay önce

    Part-3 & 4: the events are ok, but I think it'll better if you could fusion this two parts, except the last paragraph ("One day after lunch...").
    Maybe, you could make that the police man arrest him a little faster (I'm talking here about the narration, and not story timeline).
    Then, as new Part-4 if you like, expand the paragraph "One day after lunch...", adding some event/s to the feeling of reality breaking.

    • 1 ay önce