Genel Açıklama Panosu

  • RhapsodeMonolith
    Yarışma Sahibi
    • 1 ay önce

    Thank you for the changes.
    It's all ok, but maybe the last part be too long.
    I'm not talking about amount of words, I'm talking about narration timeline.
    If you can, make it shortter.
    And a little last thing: it'll sound better if the protagonist knows or understand nothing just after he sees the 2nd policeman as a Nazi.
    Maybe he could be taken to police station, but he sees it as a Concentration camp.
    Maybe the policeman send him to a psychiatrist, but he sees him as a scientific that will experiment with him.
    Finally, some medication/treatment make him to return "reality" and there you can finish the story with same/similar lines as now.

    You could thing the above will extend more the story, but keep on mind that the story is narrated by the protagonist, and his mental state at the end is poor. So you don't need detail or descrive too much.

    • 1 ay önce