Freelancer: mfaizAbdullah
Girdiyi Rapor Et

50 Years of Promise

This story is totally different than my first submission. I know I'm not going to win but I just want to have some fun in writing. :)

Genel Açıklama Panosu

  • mfaizAbdullah
    • 1 ay önce

    As for the old lady inviting him to the basement, I don't really want to drag it out that is why. But I will see what I can do. :)

    • 1 ay önce
    1. RhapsodeMonolith
      Yarışma Sahibi
      • 1 ay önce

      No problem.

      • 1 ay önce
  • RhapsodeMonolith
    Yarışma Sahibi
    • 1 ay önce

    It's a good idea.
    And it's near the type of story I'm searching.
    But, it requires some corrections and changes.

    1° re-read it and you'll find some typos to fix.

    2° The way the old lady invites him to their "secret place" doesn't sounds good. I mean, it happens so suddenly and without reason that seems to be incorrect. Please rewrite this part.

    3° After the return of the soldier to the battlefield, make his participation in the end of the war more memorable.
    Even without detailing nothing, you could mention some of his feats on important events happend until the end of the war.
    Also, if he become the "best soldier", then the comands could use him in important operations, even after the war.

    I'm going to add some days to this content, so you can work on this.

    • 1 ay önce