Edited Version of Chapter 27
Dear Contest Holder, This version of your already script-strong Chapter 27 aims to (i) add a little more vocabulary and style to the prose (ii) Modify the incident to a rash attack of an illegal fungus present on the tomb tree onto Spri. I eagerly look forward to your feedback and hope you are satisfied with the modifications made. I am welcome to making any changes.
Genel Açıklama Panosu
-
sumikanth
- 8 yıl önce
Hi Jim. If you ever choose to award this entry, be assured I would edit anything that doesn't fit into the story. I'm guessing you don't like my vocabulary and I think the style doesn't fit in to the rest of your work which is why you have probably chosen not to award this. If so, I would appreciate it if you confirmed my thoughts so that I can mature as an author and writer :) Thanks again for the super-fun contest.
- 8 yıl önce
-
Yarışma Sahibi - 8 yıl önce
Your vocabulary and style were good. I liked that. There was some concern about your style fitting in with my other chapters as you suspected, but it was not a deal breaker. The main thing that I was concerned about was the idea of killing mold with audio wavelengths, without hurting the people around, it seemed far-fetched, or implausible to me. I enjoyed reading it though. Thank you for your efforts.
- 8 yıl önce
-
sumikanth
- 8 yıl önce
Thanks for the confirmation. Since it is after all sci-fi, I didn't know the difference between plausible and implausible. But thanks for telling me anyways. It was nice participating.
- 8 yıl önce
-
sumikanth
- 8 yıl önce
Sorry to hear that :) Thank you for the opportunity and I hope you liked the entry anyway. I'm not sure I can change it within an hour, so I guess there's no use trying to change it now. The mould was destroyed because of the wavelengths emitted by Spri, which were transferred to the helmet, somehow programming a change of her bodily framework such that the moulds dried up and fell off. I'm sure you have far better entires, but in the event that you feel you would like to award this one, be rest assured that the few sentences which contradict the background could be edited/deleted.
- 8 yıl önce
-
sumikanth
- 8 yıl önce
Asides from these few sentences here and there, I cannot find any major fallacy from the background in the script. Therefore, editing it will not be huge. I would just like to ask whether you found the mould idea a good concept. Another query is whether 4-star entries will be considered for buying. Thanks.
- 8 yıl önce
-
Yarışma Sahibi - 8 yıl önce
Good work. The vocabulary was fun and enhanced the story. It was a bit of a contrast from my other chapters however. Also, Tomek, being human is incapable of telepathy, as a transmitter or a receiver. I had trouble understanding how the mould was destroyed. Being quarantined, Baktu was mostly removed from Azten politics or even communications, so Tomek's point was Hoch didn't know enough about alien events to judge. All non-baktis on the planet were there illegally. These background elements make a troublesome fit for your entry, through no fault of yours.
- 8 yıl önce
